Everyone has that Christmas album that embodies the holiday spirit. For some of us that album is, unfortunately, Kenny G’s Greatest Holiday Classics. Although the man can play a mean saxophone, the album is sexy for about a song and a half before you feel like you’re stuck in an elevator.
For those who need some advice on a new Christmas classic, here’s The Aquinian’s round-up on holiday albums you may have missed throughout the years.
For your Jedi friend: Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album
Nothing says Christmas like outer space! On this timeless classic, C-3P0 and R2-D2 teach a factory full of droids how to appreciate the holiday spirit. It warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it? And if endearing subject matter wasn’t enough, an 18-year-old Jon Bon Jovi joins a high school choir on “R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”
Highlight: “What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?)”
For the diva: Merry Christmas – Mariah Carey
It probably doesn’t mean anything that Amazon.com sells this album for $4.38, right? Though it doesn’t include her (without debate) best song “Fantasy,” Merry Christmas delivers all the holiday favourites with surprisingly little demonstration of Carey’s multi-octave range. Every store ever is sure to have this album on repeat in the days leading up to Christmas, so get ready to memorize every note and frill. See also: Mariah Carey’s Merry Christmas II You.
Highlight: “All I Want For Christmas Is You (Original Version)”
For the most disappointing yankee swap gift ever: Christmas Unleashed – Jingle Dogs
Picture a group of people sitting at a board room table discussing holiday album ideas. One says, “I really like it when my dog barks repeatedly. How about renditions of Christmas music done using only barking dogs?” This album has appeal for about five seconds, while the thought, “Puppies are really cute” crosses your mind. But then you hear dogs barking the tunes of “O, Christmas Tree” and “Away in a Manger” and you wonder how this album ever left that board room.
Highlight: “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”
For those who really love morning talk shows: The Regis Philbin Christmas Album
Regis is actually quite the crooner, but he seems to be slowly infiltrating every electronic in your house – and at all times of the day. There was a time when you couldn’t watch television in the morning or evening without catching Regis’ too-white smile staring into your soul. And if the album wasn’t weird enough, Donald Trump makes an appearance on “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” You’ve got that right – Regis Philbin ft. Donald Trump. He should have just stuck to Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Highlight: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
For the 90s enthusiast: Home for Christmas – ‘N Sync
For some of us, the 90s forever holds some special memories. If you’d like something festive to bring you back – or maybe you just haven’t forgotten about how great slow jams are – this album is for you. Specifically “O Holy Night (A Cappella),” where you remember exactly why you had a crush on a boy with frosted tips. It’s baby Justin Timberlake, what’s not to love?
Highlight: “Under My Tree”
