Let’s talk about sex, baby

Viola Pruss - Essential Credentials (Tom Bateman/AQ)

She’s petite and round, and likes to dress in pink. She shares my bed with lovers, and carries me through times of drought. She tastes like sugar, yet stirs me deep inside. It’s been eight years since we met, and I couldn’t live without her – my pill.

You would think by 2012, it would be normal for girls to be on regular birth control. At least for those who have sex, or consider having it any time soon. Yet, there’s still a stigma about seeing your doctor, or telling your parents. The latter live far away. And let’s face it, you’re an adult now.

There’s even talk of the pill not working. But do you really trust a thin, rubber balloon? Contraception is not negotiable, unless you’re ready for babies.

I have a lot of respect for young couples who decide to have a baby in university. They have to make ends meet, feed an extra mouth, and keep a young relationship healthy while trying to combine study, childcare and job search. I doubt they were prepared. Personally, I would consider abortion. I’m afraid of blaming a child one day for stealing part of my youth. Nor do I want to bring someone into a life of financial struggles and heartaches.

You can’t take it for granted that your boyfriend or lover is interested in raising a child with you. Then again, he may not agree with my way either. If you are ready to have sex with someone in a long-term arrangement, you better talk “babies” at some point. Most girls have gone through a scare. That day when you’re period arrives late, the night you forgot to take your pill, the moment you notice the condom broke.

Contraceptives are never 100-per cent safe. Yes, you’ve been told numerous times, but you still don’t believe it until they fail you. Whether it’s a scare or a definite pregnancy, you’ll feel better knowing your partner’s opinion. That’s not a fun conversation, and seems too serious for a young relationship. But if you can’t agree, you may even consider if you want to take the risk in the first place.

Sometimes the grief that follows a careless night is greater than a few months of ignorant joy. I don’t encourage anyone breaking up. You may make great babies one day, once you’re both ready. But try to find some common ground. Your partner should always know if you use contraceptives. And he needs to care about it. If you can’t put a condom on or slip a little pill before bedtime – you should leave your clothes on in the first place.

And don’t trust your calendar days.