You don’t have good taste.
Par example, the movies you watch generally look as if they were directed by a half-blind coma patient with delusions of grandeur. Now, before you get all upset—god, it’s infuriating how easily you get upset—let me explain: You have really bad taste.
What I used just there is a special technique I’ve developed. By denouncing the things you like, I’ve denied your existence any meaning. Thus, you are reminded of my superiority.
Don’t ever think you’re better than me. I’m not saying you’re a worm, but you squirm through life quite aimlessly and often smell like dirt.
Luckily for you, I am a benevolent man. Despite your failings and repulsive meekness, I suffer from a boundless love for all of you. You are my flock of sheep—but really more like dogs.
So, I’m going to teach you mongrels how to rise above the ugly masses by using this method of condescension. Consider this a great privilege.
1. Only ever read critiques/reviews
It is difficult to despise something that you actually experienced. The chumps of this world will tell you that it is important to experience as much as you can, because that is how you grow.
Man was not made in my image, but I’m the closest we’ve come to a full human being yet, and I stopped emotionally maturing at age 15. I doubt you made it past seven.
Regardless, they are partially correct. You should definitely explore a variety of mediums, events and activities. However, you only seek out the negative aspects of media, so as to be well-versed in their flaws.
Luckily, we have the internet. There are plenty of people there who hate just about everything. Their online musings will be an excellent resource for you. When looking for reviews, always use modifiers such as “sucks” or “is pointless”. Once you have a wealth of negative knowledge, you can…
2. Perfect your ‘snide remark and walk away’
This is where style comes into play. When you start “stepping” to those “peeps”, you’re going to get a reputation. The tumorous mass—the average population—will come to understand that you despise them. You’re welcome.
Unfortunately, some of the husks will still approach you. When one of them starts talking about a subject of interest, use the knowledge you gained in step one to mock it. Then, as your wit stabs into their hearts (in your case, lightly slaps them with a moist hand), spin yourself around and walk away before they have a chance to respond.
3. Never tell anyone what you enjoy
Telling other people about your interests only opens you up to the same criticism I’m trying to inspire within you. It’s the same danger inherent in opening up to other people about nonsense like your feelings. If you open up to someone,you’re in horrible danger of rejection, ridicule, and worst of all, commonality. You don’t want to be common, do you? Shared interest promotes bonding, and why would you ever want to bond with another filthy human animal?
True freedom, and thus, true enlightenment is possible only for the individual. If you want to be worthwhile, or even great (you won’t be, but it’s cute that you try), you must be willing to cast off the shackles of shambling limbs referred to as ‘human connections’.
‘Thanks’ for reading. I’m sure it was very difficult for you.
