Tale of Two Tommies: Children

Tale of Two Tommies – Children

Troy Glover

Just so I don’t sound like a complete monster I’ll start off by saying that I don’t hate children to the extent that I’m mean to them. I just hate how children act and how they inconvenience me.

Have you ever had a time where you think it’s a good idea to set your alarm to your favorite song? At first it’s new but then every time you here it you cringe, ruining the song for you. The same is said for the screech of a child. The wailing, needy, bloodcurdling scream a child lets out when they don’t get what they want. You want to yell at the child to give it up and have their mind magically transform to that of a pre-teen, but it won’t happen. Plus I’m sure their parents wouldn’t care for you screaming at their child.

Children are also gross. You can make the argument there are plenty of adults who are just as gross, but children are so mindlessly unaware of basic do’s and don’ts it just gets irritating to try and put up with them.

Another aspect of my hatred might actually attribute to envy, which I think a lot of students can understand. We can’t go back to those times where the biggest problem we had was if we got the red ball to play with on the playground. We can’t just wake up early to watch cartoons and not have any other responsibilities for the entire day. We can’t pull all-nighters playing video games and not worry about that paper due the next day, or work. Our lives are now forfeit to the life of being a student, and having adult responsibilities.

Mind you I’m great with kids, but that doesn’t mean they won’t continue to annoy me. I don’t like children. I never will.


William Cumming

How can you claim you aren’t a monster, you just hate kids? Children represent the innocence in life and to hate them is to hate all things pure.

Having a child in your life, whether it is your own or someone else’s (in my case it is a two-year-old niece) can open your eyes to how simple life really is. When my niece is around I can sit on the floor for hours with her just stacking wooden blocks or just making faces for her amusement. The hours just melt away, along with any concept of stress you may feel. Children can transport you into their world, where responsibilities don’t exist.

On the topic of responsibilities, let’s talk about how you think children are gross. Babies lack the ability to clean themselves and constantly shit their pants, yet they are still cleaner then a lot of adults I know. And it isn’t their job to clean themselves, it’s their parents’. So, if you run into a gross kid, chances are they are suffering from a neglectful parent.

The same goes for people who get mad at children for screaming in public. They aren’t shitty kids, they just have shitty parents. If they had decent parents they would be way better behaved, but unfortunately the world is just filled with people who shouldn’t have kids. So maybe instead of hating kids you should spend that energy hating the people that raised them. Trust me, I hate a lot of people for being stupid, but if I’m telling you not to hate kids you know they must be alright.


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