WTF, Grandma? (Graphic courtesy of birgerking via Flickr Creative Commons)

EDMONTON (CUP) — People say you should respect and listen to your elders, as though old people are Yoda, dripping with wisdom they should dispense every chance they get.

That’s bullshit.

Old people are some of the least sophisticated and knowledgeable people on this planet. If you want proof, you need only look to Facebook. (For the sake of this argument, I’m going to consider anyone over the age of 50 as elderly.)

We all have old people on our friends list, and they’re usually family members or someone otherwise closely related to us. Yeah, we love them in real life, but they are a plague on Facebook that needs to be cured.

Old people have no idea how to use the internet. How many times have you logged onto your Facebook only to see your news feed clogged with stupid status updates and crappy Facebook game notifications from your elderly friends? It’s bad enough when I have to put up with shit from people in my cohort. But when I see old people doing it, I start to seriously doubt the supposed wisdom of our elders.

Did you know that 99 per cent of people won’t have the guts to repost a status about some stupid bullshit about some stupid faux activist cause? I know they won’t have the guts. I know that because old people post that stuff all the time. But 100 per cent of me doesn’t give a shit. Posting a status about breast cancer awareness or human rights crises accomplishes nothing. Keep that crap off my newsfeed.

Even worse is when they post supposedly funny images from the 90s and all their other old-people friends comment on them, explaining how they are so amusing and relevant to their lives. Give it a rest. It’s nice that you finally found your way onto the internet, but the rest of us saw it years ago.

And nothing diminishes your cool status like having an older relative comment on it. I mean, come on, Grandma, I’m stealing quotes about atheism from Richard Dawkins and George Carlin and claiming them as my own so I can show my friends how witty and edgy I am. I don’t need you liking or commenting “lol” or “That’s nice, dear -Love Grandma” on my status.

Facebook is an amazing modern invention that’s being ruined by a bunch of old dinosaurs. I’m not suggesting old people should be kicked off Facebook, because that would be mean.

Instead, they should have limited Facebook options. Log on, wish me a happy birthday and then log off.

No statuses, no game invites, no comments.

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  • Show Comments (11)

  • Somebody's Grandma

    OMG! That was so NOT lol.

    • A.R.F

      To whoever wrote this article, I honestly feel sorry for you because you clearly have not had the opportunity to experience all of the truly amazing things that older adults have to offer. Your clear lack of knowledge about the aging process does not go unnoticed and I would suggest not writing about things you clearly know nothing about. I feel sorry for your family and every older adult that's in your life because you're essentially calling them worthless when that couldn't be further from the truth. This is the most ridiculous article I've ever read. It's because of statements like the one you've made that misconceptions and stereotypes continue to exist. So what if they post games on Facebook? First of all, that's a huge generelization and second of all, I'd rather see games posted on my news feed then the ridiculous status' that you are likely to post. News flash: your going to age, and something tells me that you're going to be alone.. But I get guess misery loves company so if you happen to find someone as uneducated as yourself people, I'll be amazed. And to whoever approved putting this article in the saint Thomas newspaper, you should be ashamed. We have a Gerontology program and your approving articles written by someone who has a blatant disregard for the aging population. Grow Up!

  • guest

    Saint Thomas should be ashamed of posting hate literature targetting certain groups.
    This article makes young adults look very foolish, rude and ignorant

  • Nancy Hopkins

    Whoever wrote this is prejudiced and ignorant and they try to pass these undesirable traits on to their equally ignorant peers. They are the type to fulfil the prophecy that somday all seniors will be “terminated” at 40. Talk like this is what should be terminated…….& the imbeciles who spout it.

  • W Rogers

    Where’s the evidence that people over 50 post “stupid statuses” or games or info about causes any more often than younger people? This is just an offensive and uninformed rant. Glad this person isn’t on my Friend list!

  • HUMANITY

    This author cannot realise that he or she is going to be older adults in the future. Stereotyping older adults now in a negative way means that this author is stereotying his or herself in the future in a nagative way.

  • HGU

    This article is an absolute disgrace to St.Thomas University – a Liberal Arts University that has a Gerontology department. Facebook is a great tool for all people of any age to express themselves and interact with their friends and family. The author of this article and who ever feels this article is expressing the truth is completely ignorant – do you not realize that you will one day be an older adult? How will you feel when younger people are being ageist toward you? It's simple, you won't like it. Stop spreading ageism and stereotypes and start promoting equality.

  • Krystal Mason

    This article makes me ashamed to be apart of the St. Thomas community. This is absolutely unacceptable for a liberal arts university with a GERONTOLOGY program. This is not the impression I want others to have of St. Thomas. And I sincerely hope that the students of St. Thomas do not agree or find this article amusing. It is not.

    Also I am not sure when facebook became a measure of intelligence and sophistication. If this is true I am very sad for our generation.

  • Student

    The AQ really needs to get their stuff toghether. This paper gets worse every year. Not every STUdent is as ignorant as this fool, it makes the rest of us look really bad.

    • Guest

      Replace the word elderly, old person, with anything else: like a religous affiliation, younger people, STUDENT, and everyone would be up in arms about this article. This shows how our society is not aware of the real value of older adults. I know some readers must think that I do not have a sense of humor. I do have one, and I think this article is offensive in regards to my own life, my parents, friends, and grandparents. We are all aging, every second, every day. The only other option apart from aging, is to die. I would rather age and live than be dead and gone. And to whoever wrote this article, don't even try to compare your wittiness to the great Carlin or any other EDUCATED person out there. Carlin might have been using satire, and some shock comedy, but at least he read about the topics before going on stage. He must be rolling in his grave.

    • JAR

      The story was not done by someone at the AQ. Read the byline….. – By: Darcy Ropchan – The Gateway – Edmonton paper.

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