When Eliza Snider was in her second year during a hockey game against Mount Allison, an opposing player blew by her to score. The St. Thomas women’s hockey defender said she wasn’t performing well that year because her head and heart weren’t into hockey. Snider felt she was putting immense pressure on herself to perform. That night she broke down crying and finally opened up to her mother.
“That was the worse night of my entire life, because something that I had loved so much (turned so bad),” said the 21 year old. “Hockey had been such a big part of my life that I didn’t want to do it anymore.”
The Fort Saskatchewan, Alta. native said she was later diagnosed with depression and anxiety by the team doctor. Snider said she felt a lot of pressure to make friends after moving to St. Thomas University because she comes from a small town. She said her hometown classmates knew each other from kindergarten till grade 12 and only added immense pressure to make friends here on top of moving to a new area.
“I believe you make your own destiny and your decision and your choices are yours alone. You make a name for your self and you create who you are,” said the now fourth year political science major. “And I was just so low on myself in life that I couldn’t see who I wanted to be anymore. And goals that I had disappeared.”
Now the STU women’s hockey team is advancing to the second round of the Atlantic University Sports playoffs after beating Dalhousie University this past week. STU won both games, 6-2, and 3-1 respectively, in a best of three series. Now one of their defenders is happy to be playing.
“There’s no better feeling in the entire world than stepping onto the ice and getting ready for a game. You get tingly all over, you get excited, you get nervous.”
Snider started playing hockey since the age of three, and always thought of herself as an athlete. Throughout her life she’s always set high goals for herself like great grades and performing well on the ice. But when she wasn’t reaching those goals it affected her mental health.
“And the person that I was then just accepted it and I didn’t fight to change that. I just rolled with the punches in the worse way possible.”
Her mother told her she was, “bigger than the battle that (she) was fighting in (her) head all the time.” Snider took a break from hockey and school, and suggests anybody battling with mental illness should take a break.
“It wasn’t (that) I woke up one day and I was better, it was I worked for it.”
Snider said she took it day by day, practise by practise and eventually she began to love herself again.
“I’m back in love again with a sport I grew up playing. And it’s such an amazing feeling I never ever want to give that feeling up again.”
She remembers during a seven to eight month span how she was down on herself. Mistakes she made in life and on the ice seemed insurmountable. But after talking to a counselor and taking time off, she views life differently.
“You need to love yourself the most, you need to be your biggest fan. You need to be your own cheerleader.”
Although Snider admits one might not feel 100 per cent all the time, but it’s about realizing its okay not to be okay and they need to talk to someone.
“I think about all the people that don’t have the support that I have. I know I can turn to anyone of my teammates and anyone of my family members that I’m close with (and) call them up.”
She says her family and teammates have been great. Snider said fellow defensemen Jessica McCann has been great in reminding her she’s still doing a good job. She had one message for everyone that helped.
“Thank you from the bottom of my being, thank you for not letting me fall into further darkness.”
Snider hopes to win an AUS championship and at nationals, and one day become a lawyer. But for now she’s glad she learned to cope with her depression and anxiety.
“It was such a blip in my life and such a learning experience. From that I realized I never want to fall back into that place ever again.”
