You’re new to the school, fresh. Many of you still have good hygiene habits, haven’t pulled all nighters to finish your paper(s), haven’t scrounged together coins to pay for a pizza or a package of Mr. Noodles (or laundry) and haven’t spent your evenings crying on your dorm floor eating bread. All that is about to change.
Welcome to university, class of 2020. As you recover from the Welcome Week activity and delve into your first hectic weeks of classes, here’s some advice:
Go to class. You just might learn something; for example, I learned a newborn kangaroo is as long as a paperclip. So smol, so precious. I didn’t actually learn that, but you might have the opportunity to learn a cool fact like that so why skip out?
Make friends, but not too many. Symptoms of having too many friends include: having to go out into the world and socialize with a human, instead of your pet fish or plants. However, try not to isolate yourself to one group of friends (or fishes). In order to stay on top of all the hot gossip, you need to have a variety of friends (or fish pals). Please remember to feed your fish.
Keep in contact with your high school squad. Avoid contacting them frequently — you want them to miss you and regret not attending the same university. Plan movie nights, Skype, play board game online and, as outlandish as it sounds, follow through with the plans you make.
Eat healthy. Aim for all the food groups: dairy, fruits and vegetables, meat and alternatives, grains and, most importantly, snack foods. Be wary of the cookies from the cafeteria (check for chili flakes before ingesting). If you’re rushing, grab a Snickers (you’re not yourself when you’re hungry).
Take advantage of the opportunities available. As many professors will tell you: get involved (just be sure to keep your involvement at a level where you can still pass their course). Don’t stress about getting involved, though. In no time you’ll find yourself hammering down coffee like shots to make it from extracurricular to volunteer work to event to class.
Take care of yourself. Do you have a minor inconvenience in your life that you’re looking to fix, such as a hangnail or an odd mark on your body? Are you suffering from sleeplessness (which will worsen) or a feeling of impending doom (which will also worsen)? Now’s the time to look after yourself.
Find the free food. Many events held at the university offer free food. You may not be interested in studying gerontology (you may never have heard of gerontology before), but rest assured you will be interested in eating pizza. Stay for fifteen minutes, fake interest and satisfy your appetite.
Attend some parties to pretend you’re cool and social. Be what the kids call “relatable.” If someone describes the party as, “It’s going to be lit,” don’t assume they mean the location will be on fire. Be the mom-friend and look after your peers. Leave if you’re feeling uncomfortable or if the party gets too wild.
A note to the reader: university is all about finding the right balance and discovering more about yourself. And education.
Go learn things.
