Matt:
We live in a ceaselessly polarizing political climate. We no longer watch the same news, listen to the same music, or see the same colours on a viral dress. Tocqueville was right in diagnosing that the democratic impulse is to abandon society at large by withdrawing into a personalized echo chamber with one’s like-minded companions. In a world teetering on the edge of total and unmitigated political schism, only one conventional mechanism has the ability to save humanity from itself: the valentine.
Valentine’s Day is the day of love. Love is the strongest and broadest of all human emotions. Thankfully, there are many different kinds of love. The kind of love I feel for my mother is different than the love I would feel for my wife – unless my name is Oedipus.
Some people claim Valentine’s Day is about romantic love. The Christian conception associates it with San Valentino, the Roman saint of courtly love. The Supreme Court ruled in The Queen v. Big M Drug Mart Ltd. 1985 that our s.2(a) Charter right to freedom of conscience and religion protects us from being coerced into affirming or engaging in religious beliefs or practices for sectarian purposes.
Christians may see Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic love, but it would be unconstitutional to assert it is exclusively romantic. Thus, in order to be lawful, Valentine’s Day must be about love in the broadest of senses; the individual is at liberty to decide what kind.
Valentine’s Day is about spreading love, and it is only through the valentine card that we can bridge the chasmic societal void. With lines like “Are you the dark roast coffee in the Great Hall? Because you’re hot and I’d choose you” to “I’d give you a valentine but I deleted it – Clinton” to “My love for you proficiently grows (idk what that means lol) – DeVos”, the valentine will bring us nonpartisan commonality.
Robbie:
Dear Political Science Undergraduate,
I’m only going to ask once,
Would you please refrain from sending me any more Valentine’s Day related gifts, charms, or baked goods? Though I have to admit, the Cupid cookies were absolutely delicious, so thank you for those. But the rest has been re-gifted by me to the garbage man.
I know your argument and it’s just creepy. The valentine card can never bridge the societal void: only cat videos can do that. In fact, this holiday is the mother of all societal voids; and don’t even think about getting my mother a Valentine’s Day card. Your conception of this holiday is awkward and riddled with social landmines. Should I get a Valentine’s Day card for my prof? My ex-wife? The man who keeps offering candy from his van? You, political science undergraduate, are the man in the van.
Keep Valentine’s Day between you and your woman, man, person, or imaginary friend.
By handing out Valentine’s gifts to everybody, you’re not making them feel good, you’re just making the holiday more inescapable and annoying. This isn’t elementary school where you’re forced to give out chocolate to everyone in the class, getting every child high off of a sugar rush. If you want a communal holiday to get high, I’d suggest 420. Legalize it, Justin! Man, that guy really needs some love this Valentine’s Day. He’s had rough a 2017.
There’s a day for mothers: Mother’s Day. There’s day for fathers: Father’s Day. There’s a day for the Sith Lord of St. Thomas: Chancellor’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a day for couples. It takes its origin from the ancient Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia. Woah, was that a truth bomb — wake up people! I’m just handing out red pills this Valentine’s Day, and they’re not cinnamon hearts. This singles talk you’re selling about Valentine’s Day is as fake as the Kraft cheese.
