When I was 12, I was part of the group of kids that was determined to make a movie and submit it to a film festival. That dream fell flatwhen we realized that yes, we can hit record and act in front of a camera, but then what?
So we just let it go.
Then out of the blue, Ryan O’Toole asked me to be in his film about a cowboy and his crush. It was a film he was going to submit to the Silver Wave Film Festival. I found I wasn’t as keen as I used to be.
Having grown up, I’ve come to realize that film is a terrifying medium. Whatever you do, however you act, there’s simply no going back. I’ve done a bit of theatre and have found that it’s an exciting thing because you can change your performance. Whether it be from night to night or realizing that your first scene wasn’t great and you have to kick it up to hook your audience, it’s always fresh.
That’s what I love about the stage. It’s never the same performance twice.
But film? I couldn’t help but think of all of the New Brunswick writers, directors, producers and actors who would see me projected on a screen and there wouldn’t be any adjustments I could make while reading their reactions. I’d just have to sit in the audience and watch everyone else watch me.
But I said yes. I trusted Ryan’s creativity enough that I had faith in the project.
Then I read the monologue he had written for me and any hesitation I had just melted away.
It’s hard to say what motivates you as an actor on stage. At its simplest, it’s enthusiasm. When you find something in your character that you can connect with or when you pick up on the one detail that puts the whole script into perspective, you fall in love.
This monologue had me realize that film was exactly the same. In a two-minute scene I came to understand the entire movie. I understood why a boy might want to dress up as a cowboy and why a girl might be intrigued by him. The awkward love story came into perspective.
With no fear, there’s only fun left.
What’s a film shoot like? It’s long. Picture jumping on a trampoline for an hour. Sounds like a good time, right? Add unbearable heat, collapsing trampoline legs that elicits genuine screaming, trying to keep my skirt from flying up in front of a camera and constant starting and stopping to the words “action!” and “cut!”
It was exhausting, yes, but at the end of the day I felt 12 years old again. The dream I had given up on was coming true.
It took one weekend and a few hours here and there to make a 20-minute film. I’ve only seen the rough cut. This Friday at 9 p.m. I get to watch the final product with everyone else who will have bought a ticket.
When I think of it in those terms, I’m so anxious. But when I put myself in my 12-year-old, size five shoes, I can’t help but smile.
Kamras stars in That Cowboy Kid, directed by Ryan O’Toole. It premieres Friday at 9 p.m. at Le Centre communautaire, Sainte-Anne Theatre.
The NB Silver Wave Film Festival (SWFF) is an annual event created by the NB Film Co-op staff and board. The festival is in its 11th year of screening feature films, documentaries and short films shot in New Brunswick and produced by NB filmmakers. It also showcases films and videos from Canada and the rest of the world. The festival runs from Nov. 3-6 at various venues and social locations. Festival passes are $20 for students and can be purchased at the NB Film Co-op at 732 Charlotte Street. To see the full schedule, check out swfilmfest.com.
