Arianne Melara and Haider Razak’s love story began six years ago, during her first year at St. Thomas University.
Due to delays in her student permit, Melara missed St. Thomas’ Welcome Week. But upon her arrival, many people oriented her and helped her settle in. One of these people was Vanessa, who became a close friend.
About a month after arriving to Fredericton, Melara was invited to Vanessa’s birthday party. At first she was unsure about going.
“Midterm season had just began and I didn’t want to spend my time in anything but studying. However, I decided to take a break that night to celebrate my friend’s birthday and I am glad I did in the end as I met Haider that night.”
Melara noticed Razak, who is from Iraq, as soon as he walked into the restaurant. He sat in front of her at one point during the night and started to get to know each other.
“When he shared that he was Muslim I remember thinking about my religion, Roman Catholicism, and how it was different to his as well as realizing how little I knew about the Muslim faith.”
She wanted to learn more.
While dating, they had many educational moments where “he would share about his culture and religion as I would share details about mine.”
They started noticing many differences and similarities between the two cultures and religions. But then Melara began to feel worried. She was brought up in El Salvador, a small Latin American country where over 75 per cent of people identify within the Christian faith.
“I was curious to learn more [about Islam] but worried about what this might mean for us in the future as our relationship grew stronger and as I fell deeper in love with Haider.”
As months went by Melara started to think about her family, her culture and her faith.
“I would constantly wonder what my parents and siblings would say about our relationship and how they would react.”
She wondered whether there were other couples going through a similar experience and how they took any criticism or judgement from family and friends.
Elise Chung, a third-year student at the University of New Brunswick, started dating her Muslim boyfriend a year and a half ago. At the beginning of the relationship, she felt similar emotions to Melara’s.
Even though Chung doesn’t consider herself religious, she felt guilty at the time.
“I felt like I made him break the rules. I felt like a bad person,” she says.
But her boyfriend told her not to worry, that they were going to be able to get through the situation if they had each other.
Chung’s mother, a Catholic, didn’t know her daughter’s boyfriend was Muslim when she first met him.
“After I brought him to my house and he met my mom I told her he was Muslim. She says, ‘it would be nice if you met someone Catholic but oh well that happens’. She wasn’t against me having a Muslim boyfriend.”
His family also knows about Chung. “They seem to like me. Especially his siblings.”
Melara says you never really imagine falling in love with someone from a different culture and religion until you do.
“And I am very happy that I did,” she says.
Understanding their differences made them a stronger couple. It helped them grow in their own faiths and be open to learning about other religions and cultures.
What’s most important is “we both share the same vision and foundational values and beliefs that we would love to teach our children one day.”
Even though they pray differently and fast at different times, they respect each other’s beliefs and have had countless conversations during their time together about how to reconcile their differences and make sure they are both content with their relationship.
It hasn’t been always easy, Melara says. Along the way, they’ve had to face disagreements and arguments that couples sharing the same religion or culture might not naturally encounter.
After almost six years together, Razak proposed to Melara in Toronto this past December.
Both families have come together while making preparations to hold an Arab civil wedding in Toronto and a very Latin catholic celebration for the nuptial wedding in El Salvador.
“There had been times where it felt like it was the two of us against the world, but as long as there are foundational, core values, respect, dialogue and a will, there’s a way to let love flourish.”
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Arianne Melara and Haider Razak broke off their engagement in May 2018.
