I put a smile on my face everywhere I go. Happiness is in every cell of my body. But not too long ago I was diagnosed with depression. My psychologist said I had the symptoms of reverse culture shock.
I’m familiar with culture shock, which happens when people have troubles trying to fit themselves into a new culture or environment. However, I had never heard the term reverse culture shock before.
Reverse culture shock was first mentioned in the book You Can’t Go Home Again by Thomas Wolfe. My psychologist explained to me that reverse culture shock is basically the same as culture shock, except it happens from going back to the place where the person grew up. The place where someone first develops his or her judgment.
Reverse culture shock happens after a person has experienced and adapted themselves into a new culture. It’s a psychological consequence of the readjustment to the primary culture. According to my psychologist, most people find reverse culture shock harder and more complicated to deal with than regular culture shock.
I went home to Bangkok, Thailand for the summer two years ago. I looked around my hometown. Skyscrapers grew like mushrooms. I almost didn’t recognize the city. I observed everything around me trying to distinguish what had or hadn’t changed. I couldn’t understand why this place didn’t feel like home anymore.
I grew up never questioning what I was taught to do or think. But that day, I questioned everything.
Why is it that when a girl walks alone on a dark night in shorts do people assume it means she wants to get raped? Why is it that following the rules is the most important thing in the world? Why is it that having a darker skin tone means that a person worth less than another? Why are parents giving their kids diet pills at a young age? Do they think that weight determines your worth as a person?
How open-mined do I have to be in order to accept my own culture?
I left for my first backpacking trip, by myself, when I was fourteen year old. Since that day, I have been to 18 countries around the world. Backpacking or studying, I have done it all. I developed an open-mind. Adapting to different cultures never was an un-doable thing for me.
I chose to pursue my education far away from home for many reasons. One of them being, that I hope to return home with knowledge and new perspectives on how to push my country forward.
Every time I try to shine light on these issues in my culture, I only get pushed further away. They think I no longer respect the place where I was born and raised. They think I’ve forgotten who I am.
The truth is, I’ve found a better version of myself and I just want to see a better version of my own country.
Now, I still have a smile on my face everywhere I go… just not when I go home.
