Wanted: One full-time companion for crime solving/ caped crusading.
Experience: 3-5 years. This is serious business, not amateur hour.
Must be hard working, ambitious, and able to disarm an underwater bomb with a cell phone.
Must be available evenings, weekends.
Encyclopedic knowledge of waterfowl a plus.
Must provide your own tights and graphing calculator.
Candidates chosen for interview must successfully complete the following questionnaire:
1. You’ve just taken a sip of coffee that was much hotter than you anticipated. You exclaim: ” Holy ___________ !”
A) Applesauce
B) Crickets
C) Lava Java
2. You’re walking back from class when you see a squirrel bury a nut and quickly scurry away. You think:
A) Squirrels often forget where they bury their nuts and that’s sometimes how trees get planted. Thanks for helping the environment, squirrel!
B) Nut. Nutmeg. Baking supplies. Baking cakes. My cake is burning!
C) Strange to see a squirrel burying something this late in the year… Holy Squirrel Sabotage it’s a BOMB!
3. Switzerland.
A) True
B) False
To apply, attach your resume to a 10 by 10 searchlight and shine it into the night sky on a clear night.
