You’ve seen him everywhere – on television, at conventions and book signings, watching Dazed and Confused on your drug dealer’s couch – but who is this Justin Trudeau fellow? Will he be the messiah who leads Canada out of the Harper Valley P.T.A., or is he just another smooth talker with Ken-doll hair and the plastic personality to match?
He’s the Ashton Kutcher of Canadian politics: lovable but doesn’t always think things through. Really Justin? China is your most admired country because they can turn their economy around “on a dime”? I’m happy you can give your two cents about global politics, but come on buddy, China put the dick in dictatorship.
What ever happened to the great leaders of Canada? Take Justin’s father, Pierre, as an example. Now, that guy had some grit. He was called an “asshole” by Nixon and replied, “I’ve been called worse things by better people.” Badass. Justin will have a hissy fit if he’s not voted sexiest MP this year.
Pierre whipped this country into shape. He abolished the death penalty, led us through the FLQ crisis and decriminalized homosexual acts. He famously said, “there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation”. Justin’s only amendment would be “except Jian’s”.
Justin has recently been praised for allowing anti-Energy East protesters to take the floor during a book-tour event in Toronto. Now he’s being heralded as changing the way politics are done in this country. Don’t get me wrong, that was a good move by Justin, a step in the right direction, but it’s a bit lacklustre. It’s just politics. Where’s the blood, the guts and the glory? Wasn’t your father BFFs with Castro? Kick some ass. You’re a boxer for God’s sake.
I guess it’s not fair to compare Justin to his father, but if Justin wants to be the leader of the country he’ll have to get out from under his father’s shadow. P.E.T. famously wore carnations. What is Justin supposed to wear, a marijuana leaf? Besides, if he can’t transcend his father’s name, how will the Liberal leader ever surpass Beiber?
But what does this say about us? Weirdly, we want to see our reflection in That ’70s Show. Trudeaumania sounded cool. I’d like Canada to be cool again. And I like Ashton Kutcher. It’s just hard to trust him with my tax dollars if I know he’s going to spend it on munchies.
I am hard on the guy; he might be a great leader, but between Gallant and Justin, the only hard lines I’m seeing are their jaw lines.
Maybe I’m just waiting for Justin to say, “Just watch me” when it isn’t in front of the mirror.
