Deirdre McCloskey is a woman of many attributes. She is a professor at the University of Illinois in Chicago, an economist and a published author of 16 books. This is all part of her identity. These traits are things you can’t tell simply by looking at her.
You also can’t see that Deirdre used to be Donald.
McCloskey visited Fredericton last week to lecture on several topics, and spoke to the social work class at St. Thomas University. At the Nov. 1 lecture, she discussed her experience with changing genders.
“I think it’s somewhat important to actually see people, and not just have it in a book. That’s how we get more tolerant,” she says in reference to what the students learned from the lecture.
She describes her story as a comedy; it has a happy ending. She has suffered hardships, but also has experienced great joy. She tells this story in her book, Crossing: A Memoir.
The room erupts into laughter as she talks about drag conventions at the Holiday Inn and cross-dressing engineers. The room falls silent when, a few minutes later, she says she has grandchildren she’s never met. McCloskey’s life is a lesson in contrast.
Deirdre McCloskey was born Donald in 1942. She lived most of her life as a“normal boy.” Donald played football, had girlfriends and married the love of his life at 22.
Donald cross-dressed on many occasions, but hadn’t considered gender change until 1995. Once the thought entered his mind, he had no doubts.
“The cosmetic surgery is much more important than anything you do, even breast implants,” McCloskey says about the change. She says the “plumbing” operation so many think of as the important part is actually secondary, partly because it’s never been about the sexual aspect for her.
“It’s about who you are, not what you do, sexually speaking.”
She had nine surgeries, including cheek implants and a procedure to grind down the brow line to be rid of the masculine-looking forehead.
Now, she looks like any woman in her 70’s, but with a slightly bigger build than most, semi-formal black attire and a large, attention grabbing, silver necklace.
While there were people in her life that couldn’t understand, there were also people that stood by her.
Her mother was one of those people.
“It just shows she’s a very cool person, cool in the admirable sense – she’s very self possessed and loving.”
She says her gender change has brought them closer.
McCloskey’s wife had a more difficult time accepting the change. She tried to be supportive at first, but it became too hard.
McCloskey’s two children weren’t there for her, either. She partly blames herself for this since she wasn’t the one to tell them about her decision to change her life. It’s a difficult piece of information to hear secondhand.
The difficulties didn’t end with family. Society as a whole makes it hard even to contemplate making the transition. There are many misconceptions about transgendered people, and despite her confidence and openness, McCloskey hasn’t been able to escape them.
She sees the confusion that merges transgendered and homosexuals into one group as particularly problematic. She stresses her attraction is not related to her gender identity. They’re two different things, and should be seen as such.
“People like to have categories that are simple. All Canadian men have checked shirts and say, ‘eh?’ All Americans have guns. It’s just simpler – life is simpler when we stereotype.”
She compares the generalisations to the burning of witches, and other instances of “outsiders.”
“It’s this merger of ‘anything that is weird, is weird, and dangerous, and let’s get rid of it.’”
Even doctors and trained counsellors get it wrong, according to McCloskey. She shuns the ideas from the medical and counselling world. She also shuns their pity.
“Don’t accept their feeling that it’s a tragedy. It’s not a tragedy. You could think of it as an opportunity.”
The only way these and other misconceptions will change is through individual interaction, according to McCloskey. She sees dialogue as an important part of understanding gender transition. To her, the media is an ally.
“It’s journalists, and film makers, and country singers, and rock music singers. You’re the people that change people’s ideas.”
While McCloskey sees journalists and filmmakers as partners in her quest for tolerance and understanding, her own message is clear.
In many ways, Deirdre McCloskey seeks the same things anyone going through transition might want: acceptance, then forgiveness, and ultimately, love. Even though it may be difficult to understand, everyone’s story needs to be heard with a little tolerance.
“Be charitable to the peculiarities of your parents, uncles and aunts,” says McCloskey. “Don’t throw away love.”
