I can’t think of anything sexier than consent.
Some of you are rolling your eyes, but it’s true.
Say I’m making the moves on someone during movie night, and I’m unsure if my feelings *cough* hormones *cough* are being reciprocated. What I’m most likely to do is back off a bit, and give them an out. They’re not responding to my kisses or leg squeezes? I’ll sit back in my seat and pay attention to the movie, because I feel like it’s clear they’re not in the mood. But if that person kisses me back, or shifts closer to me?
It’s on. And boy, are my hormones happy.
It’s a win-win situation if consent is spelled out. Not only do all participants know what’s going on, but they’re more confident in themselves and each other in that moment. Again, sexiest thing ever.
I’ll take “How about we not watch movies and you get over here?” over “Well I see you’re not interested in the movie” any day.
Of course, there are ways I don’t want to hear consent, that ruin my mood. For example, “let’s screw.” Direct, to the point and completely disrespectful. “Bumping uglies” is another term I hope I never have directed towards me. I can’t be sexually attracted to someone who thinks of sexual parts in such unflattering ways. Thank you, don’t come again.
There are safe terms to use. “Have sex” works. It’s clear, and not derogatory in any way. There are clever ways to spell it out. One of my friends coined the phrase “Want to go to my place and not watch movies?”
If you aren’t feeling confident enough to say sex out loud to them, you may want to re-evaluate jumping into bed with them at all.
If I’m given the go ahead, I feel sexy. It makes me feel more attractive, because obviously they see me as attractive if I get the thumbs up of approval. It works the other way, too. It clearly demonstrates to your sex partner that you consider them attractive, to straight up ask for consent. It makes them feel sexy and desirable and makes them more likely to say yes. It’s one big happy pants area party.
If one of you isn’t in the mood when the question is asked and the response is no, respect their wishes and back off. It isn’t a good time and all kinds of things can impact sex drives. As long as you’re clear, there won’t be room for misunderstandings. And if no is the answer, neither side is required to explain themselves.
So remember, you walking cases of hormones, you’re looking for, “Yes, yes, YES!” or something similar.
