Halloween is the best holiday. That’s just fact. If you’re reading this and you don’t get excited weeks before Oct. 31, I’m going to assume you also hate sleeping puppies and free food. Seriously, you’re a monster. And not the cool Halloween kind.
Unfortunately, with great Halloweens come great responsibilities. You’ve either got to get in shape to fit into your spandex body suit, or you have to forget about pizza for the next two months while you walk off all those Twixs’. Pick the left side or the right side, but it’s going to end up on your backside.
So, what’s a ghoul to do?
There are lots of ways to avoid eating your body weight in sugar. It requires a bit of sacrifice and self-control so, if you ain’t about that, I won’t be offended if you stop reading. For some people Halloween is the only time to really let loose so, if this is your one big thing, then four for you, Glen Coco.
By the way, I’m not a doctor. Don’t let my doctor costume fool you.
Basically, this holiday begins and ends with eating terrible, delicious things. One way to cut sugar and avoid empty calories is to look for a healthier version of treats. Some cut the sugar or fat and, if you’re not all about the Reese cups, you can still grab stuff like Werther’s. Who doesn’t love Werther’s? Horrible people, that’s who.
This might seem like too much work, but look for foods that have ingredients you can pronounce, or at the very least recognize while sober. Heck, even make your own. Try things like chocolate covered almonds or fudge. Candy apples are literally coated in sugar, but if you make your own you can simply drizzle a bit of syrup on top. You save calories and still get the sugar rush. On the down side, you’ll have to eat an apple. I’m so cruel.
“But Kelsey,” you say, “what do I do if I ate too many M&Ms? I went out as Han Solo and came back as Jabba the Hutt!” Well, dear reader, good question. First, I must congratulate you on your excellent taste in films and university newspaper sport sections.
Don’t beat yourself up if you go too far. The world won’t end because you stuffed your face with mini bags of chips and teeny tiny Caramilks. As long as you realize you lost control, you’re ahead of the game.
It’s important to take care of your body. Go crazy on Oct. 31, but don’t avoid the gym on Nov. 1. Or at least take the stairs, for God’s sake. Liquor and candy are Halloween staples but you can’t let your six-pack become a keg (as much as we pray to the Alcohol Fairy that it will). If you’ve started taking candy from babies, it’s time to stop.
Moderation is really the key to winning Halloween. Keep track of how many orange Kit Kats you’ve had and have a good time.
And, for the love of God, do not eat candy corn.
