Life is busy, complicated and hectic, right? Days get filled with school, meetings, work, assignments, relationships, social lives and a thousand things in between. You have demands on you from your boss, your professor, your friends or maybe your significant other.
I know where you’re coming from.
That’s why, last spring, I started studying etiquette. I found that etiquette isn’t really a rigid set of snobbish rules for special occasions but that it is there to smooth out the interactions you have with other people. The three fundamental principles of etiquette are: consideration, respect and honesty.
Consideration is a huge part of etiquette and it consists of, but is not limited to, showing empathy, tact, thoughtfulness and kindness. In being empathetic you are making a sincere effort to put yourself in the other person’s shoes in order to understand how they are feeling. A considerate person would never do anything to make someone else feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. When you are making an effort to make the people around you feel comfortable, you know you are exercising etiquette.
For example, a considerate and tactful person would never correct another person’s behaviour in front of others; that could embarrass them. However, if a friend or acquaintance were acting in a way that was really inappropriate for the situation you’re in, it is likely considerate to discreetly take them aside and suggest that they change their behaviour in order to save them from any potential discomfort they would feel in the future. Above all, consideration means showing that you want your actions to come across in a kind and thoughtful way.
Respecting other people means recognizing their value as a human being regardless of their background or social situation. A tactful person refrains from treating anyone in a demeaning way and says whatever he or she has to with delicacy.
For example, a respectful person would talk to a sales associate with as much politeness and grace as they would use to speak with an important authority. In choosing to act respectfully towards others, you choose to make your interaction with them a positive one, whether or not you actually like the person. In addition, you need to have self-respect. A tasteful person, rather than being overly confident and boastful, would strive to evoke a quiet self-confidence that inspires confidence in others.
Honesty with others and yourself is about being real. Accept that you won’t be perfect; accept that others won’t be perfect. It’s a pretty simple concept that is difficult to abide by. Being honest doesn’t mean that you don’t voice your opinions. It means that you voice your opinions in a way that someone else won’t mind hearing. So, instead of saying something in a way that is abrasive, consider that whomever you’re talking to would rather hear you disagree with them politely.
Of course, these three concepts are just the tip of the etiquette iceberg and will be enough to get you through most situations if you exercise them well. But for awkward or unfamiliar situations or clarification on problems, like which fork to use, when to address people with titles, how to let guys down easily and how to deal with roommate disagreements, there are of course etiquette guidelines, but a column can only cover so much.
Thanks for reading, and keep it Polished.
Robin McCourt is a third-year Criminology student at St. Thomas University and studied etiquette independently. She would love to hear etiquette questions from you, contact Robin at [email protected].
