You don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day? Well, I’m sure there’s a totally rational reason for that. Maybe you just hate the idea of love and despise the thought of other people enjoying themselves.
Ah, I see. You could be one of those people that believes “love should be celebrated every day.” Well guess what bud, couples can’t celebrate their love every day. Imagine the damage buying flowers every day would have on your wallet, not to mention your house would end up smelling like potpourri.
What about parents that want a night away from their children? Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to make a reservation at a somewhat reputable restaurant and pig out on spinach dip and down a questionably cheap bottle of wine while some 14-year-old is getting paid $15 to sit and do nothing while two kids sleep. I see this as a win-win.
Valentine’s Day is not limited to couples. We’re all aware of Galentine’s, when you and your buddies get together to drink and maybe watch a movie with a young Hugh Grant. Sounds like a typical night in with friends, but it isn’t.
Since it’s Valentine’s Day, someone will start getting mushy after one too many White Claws about how much “they love everyone” or say “you’re the best friends in the world.” Everyone will be so drunk they’ll all start crying and expressing their love for one another while Hugh Grant says, “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
If you’re still not on board with this beautiful holiday, I’ve boiled it down to three reasons. You either listen to “Creep” by Radiohead and will defend until your dying day that Pablo Honey “isn’t that bad” and as you wait for that day to come you yell at people for being excited by the release of “Love Story (Taylor’s Version).”
Reason two would be you think Valentine’s is a Hallmark holiday. Do you genuinely think Jesus was handing out candy canes? Literally, every holiday brings in the big bucks for Hallmark. How could this company even profit off of me celebrating Valentine’s Day by watching a movie that Netflix produced all while my cat dines on the finest cat food and I order J’s Asian Kitchen? Better yet, how does this company profit off small businesses making heart-shaped cakes or the local florist making bouquets? These are all questions I hope you reflect on.
Then there’s the classic “I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day.” Well, I don’t believe a baby in a diaper rings in the New Year, but will I celebrate with this imaginary baby because I like having fun? Yes.
This reason leaves me baffled and the only way I can rationalize it is that you definitely look up to Arthur Schopenhauer who once said “life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom.”
Here is where I would offer you some advice on how not to be such a downer all the time. One of my favourite episodes of South Park — yes, I enjoy South Park — offers a short but to the point solution to this problem of being lame. But due to South Park’s nature, I can’t quote it in a student paper.
To become a less miserable person to be around during this time of love, watch Dead Poets Society or listen to a Sufjan Stevens album so you can actually feel something. Or, just sit in silence and let people enjoy things.
