Joseph Tunney and Oscar Baker have known their share of shitty jobs; they’re student journalists. But who exactly had the shittiest summer job? These two workaholics hit the streets of St. Thomas to find out (despite Joe complaining his hands were still sore from dish washing).
Stephen Guyette,
Second year
Worked as: lifeguard in Nunavut
Were the pools frozen?
The pool wasn’t. Everybody gives me weird looks when I say I was a lifeguard in the Arctic Circle.
What was your favourite part of the job?
Some kids were okay… most kids weren’t… some kids were really really shitty… most kids were really, really shitty. Probably my favourite part of the whole experience is I actually went for a polar bear dip in the ocean. That was just when the ice [on the ocean] had just cleared so it was extremely cold.
What things did the bad kids do?
They’d tell me to fuck off, flip me off… that’s just it, in these towns there is no real respect taught to these kids and since there was 24-hour daylight most of the summer these kids would be walking around at 3 a.m. So I had the constant worry that if I pissed off the wrong kids they’d be throwing eggs or rocks at my house.
Did they ever throw rocks at you?
Not personally. They would throw rocks at the building and I’d have to tell them to go away. Several times I had to threaten to call the RCMP because they’re the only enforcement [the kids] are actually scared of.
Ever find poop in the pool?
Surprisingly not. They would pee on the floors a lot, even the girls. The girl’s washroom constantly smells like piss.
Why would they do that?
(shrugs) I don’t fucking know.
Rene Doucette,
Fourth year
Worked as: hospital janitor
How was working at the hospital?
It was awful. I worked everyday and I picked up piss 90 per cent of the time.
What was your worst shift?
Every single one of them.
What was the average day like?
I would work eight to four. Pretty much four hours of work and then the other four hours you hide around the hospital so nobody can find you.
What was one of the strangest things you found there?
There was placenta sometimes. It was pretty gross.
Did you ever eat it?
No, I did not eat the placenta.
Would you recommend this job to anybody?
I would recommend it to anybody that is willing to give up their entire life to misery.
What was the pay like?
$6.25 an hour so you’re basically like a prostitute.
Any sexy nurses there?
Absolutely. Pretty much every one of them I was in love with, except I felt very low self-confidence since I had to pick up piss.
Did you have any good pick up lines?
Yeah, ‘Where’s the piss?’
Hadeel Ibrahim
Second year
Worked for: Promotional Street Team for a milk company at a mall in the United Arab Emirates
What exactly did this job involve?
I would have a stall in the middle of the mall that I would have to build every time I’d go. It was a flimsy stall that had a flying cow on it. And I would just hand out samples of this new milk that has vitamin D in it.
How is it new milk? Doesn’t all milk have vitamin D in it?
It’s just regular milk that’s fortified with vitamin D. It’s called Super milk.
Does it give you super powers?
Yes, that’s what they claim. They claim it gives you super powers and there’s like a cow with a purple cap.
What type of super powers? Matter-manipulation?
No, just not skin cancer.
So if I smoke cigarettes and go to sun tanning salon but drink this milk I’ll be fine?
No… it just has vitamin D in it.
But I get my vitamin D from the sun, which gives me cancer…
Yes, but 87 per cent of the people in the U.A.E. have vitamin D deficiency… because nobody is ever outside… because it’s too hot outside.
What was the worst part of that job?
Got proposed to twice and one guy asked to have sex with me for money.
What was your response?
Ibrahim: No.
Do you hate that cow logo now that you don’t work there?
No, I love that cow.
If the cow asked, would you have married it?
No, unfortunately not. We’re not like that. We’re just friends.
The cow made a move but you weren’t down?
The cow made a mooooooooooooove
K, we’re done here.
