You’re allowed to masturbate

“This one time, at band camp…” has to be one of the most popular movie phrases of all time. Why am I bringing up pop culture in a sexuality column? Well, this quote touches on (sorry, poor choice of words) a topic that is still uncomfortably looked down upon.

Masturbation.

We are taught by society growing up that masturbation is wrong. We’ll get hairy palms, lose our eyesight, and we may possibly become impotent or mentally ill later on in life. Hey, you name it, I’ve heard it. Talking about masturbation is worse, because if we talk about it, obviously we do it and may be looked down on by society.

As someone who was sent to the principal’s office in high school for saying “masturbate,” I’m here to tell you it’s okay to masturbate and it’s okay to talk about it in an appropriate setting.

Masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression anyone can engage in. All you need is yourself, a private area, maybe some music that gets the brain firing the right way and possibly some sex toys or lubrication used in a proper way so as to avoid unintentional harm to the body. Or, you can even bring a willing participant in for a session of mutual masturbation. Or many participants.

Whatever your pleasure is. If you’re all consensual adults, why not?

The only times you should worry about masturbation is if it begins to take the place of having sex with your partner(s). Or if you have also become so preoccupied with masturbation it has begun to have negative consequences or interferes with your day to day life. In this case I urge you to speak to an informed practitioner

So, here are some tips to remember about masturbation. First, your body has natural lubricant that tends to pop up during foreplay or stimulation. If you’re having alone time, that isn’t always going to happen. Remember to pick up some lubrication.

Second, while you may enjoy the thrill or risk of being caught, most people do not want to walk in on your alone time. Pick a private area and avoid accidentally surprising anyone.

Thirdly, clean up afterwards. Not only are there germaphobes cringing at the thought of your fluids being left willy nilly, but keeping good hygiene helps to keep your body in good condition. Plus you smell a lot better.

Finally, sex toys are your friends. If you don’t want to use sex toys, that’s okay. It’s your decision. If you do, make sure to properly maintain them. If you’re not sure where to get a sex toy, find a local sex shop. If you’re uncomfortable going alone, bring a friend. If you don’t want to bring a friend, find me on campus. I will go with you to the local sex shop to help you with your purchases.

But please people, don’t stick your flutes up your anywhere. That’s just gross.

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