The got laid parade

We’ve all seen them, straggling home the next morning, after the bars close. Their hair is a mess, their clothing in various states of disarray. Whatever make-up was on is now smeared across their faces. Some are walking as if one of their legs pains them. (Chafing or over-abuse.)

That’s right. I’m talking about the walk of shame.

For those of you who were unaware of what this is, you’re in for a treat. Haul yourself out from under that rock you’ve been living, and sit nearby for my fantastical tale of what culminates from possibly poor decision making, maybe some alcohol and a heady dose of hormones right in the you-know-what.

A walk of shame normally happens when an individual goes home with someone they, possibly, don’t know before that night, has sex and then leaves to carry on with their lives the next day.

What that explanation doesn’t cover is that sometimes there’s condoms used, sometimes not. Sometimes Plan B is delivered the next day. Sometimes there are hasty doctor appointments made as well. I’ve even seen some women start taking too many birth control pills the next day, in the hopes that they aren’t a pregnancy statistic.

First, I’d like to dash your opinions about the walk of shame. It’s not shameful. Stop referring to it as that. From now on, we’re going to refer to it as the Got Laid Parade, as suggested by one of my classmates’ friends. You read that right. Now, keep reading.

I’m not saying that casual sex is good or bad, but if you’re in a post-secondary institution or are above the age of consent in Canada (16 for vaginal sex, 18 for anal sex) then what you do with your body is your decision.

If you’re going to have multiple partners, it is your responsibility to provide contraception and birth control options. It’s not theirs. You are also responsible for getting regular check-ups. It’s recommended you get them every three to six months, or with every new sexual partner.

Not to mention that person you see walking home with a huge grin on their face? How do you know that was from a random hookup? For all you know that person just spent a romantic evening at their partners’ place, working off some midterms tension and eating strawberries dipped in chocolate (no, I have not done that. I’m just craving strawberries and chocolate right now.) What are you doing judging them? Why are you assuming they just had casual sex? Knock it off. Sex is supposed to put a huge grin on your face and an awkward jig in your step.

If it’s your decision to go home with someone you just met and walk home the next day, or, if you’re heading home after a great night at your partners’ place exploring each others’ sexuality, it’s cool. I’ll be sipping coffee, staring out my window and saluting the Got Laid Parade as they roll past.

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