The Aquinian

Tale of Two Tommies: Twix

(Caitlin Dutt/AQ)

Troy Glover

Why right Twix? Well the reason right Twix is superior should be explained by its position, it is the RIGHT Twix. If you’re picking left then you’re picking wrong.

It has been known for centuries the right Twix will always taste so much better than the left, it’s just common sense by now. There is definitely more of a chocolatey coating and the caramel in it is thicker and smoother than the left.

The left tries to make it look like it’s the same, but it’s not. Deceit and lies is what the left Twix relies on to fool the good people, laying down a warpath of destruction. Left Twix wishes to destroy the very thing right Twix wishes to protect, to try and take its place at the top….

I can’t do this anymore. Have we really gotten to the point now where we argue over such trivial matters like right and left Twix? This is so ridiculous. For this entire year we’ve both been so divided and hostile. I understand this is a Tale of Two Tommies, but where does it say we have to lose ourselves in the process?

I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of trying to make my coworker’s opinion seem less valid than it is. I’m tired of a divided school where sides are decided, where a line is drawn in the sand, separating friends and family.

No more. I don’t have too much time left at this school and I won’t have it end with such division. We shouldn’t be fighting anymore, we should come together as two Tommies, about as different as two Twix. Will you stop this fight and let us end the year as friends?

William Cumming

My opponent is right about one thing, we are as different as two Twix. Which, as we all know, are vastly different.

The left Twix is by far the superior of the two and, if the bars were twins, would probably have eaten the other one in the womb. Right Twix are weak, just like the people that support them. The left Twix is strong, with it’s rich, chocolate coating and it’s smoother caramel filling. Completely different from its counterpart on the right. The right Twix is a brittle, bitter piece of crap compared to the left Twix and it should be thrown out when you open the pack.

And the wafer carries with it a delightful crunch that makes the whole bar come together in a way that the left just doesn’t.

So overall it’s clear that the right twix, no, I mean the left twix. Uh, what one am I arguing for again?

Damnit. Troy’s right. We’ve fought over a lot of stupid stuff this year, but at this point we are just looking for things to fight about. There is enough fighting in the world without us looking for more reasons, especially one as insignificant as this.

The left and the right should just  settle their differences and make their peace, as one candy bar that is inferior to Coffee Crisp anyway. One Twix, one Tommie.

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