I had my first boyfriend in the summer of Grade 9. I couldn’t resist his stringy facial hair that resembled a bag of Mr. Noodles. I went wild for his Metallica T-shirts; it was probably the gigantic rips in the arm pits that lured me in. He was my knight in shining armor.
I loved him right up until the day my father made me end our high school fairytale. Since then, I’ve decided to take a break from the whole dating scene; which is what I tell my extended family every Christmas when they ask the dreaded question by all singletons: “So have you been seeing anyone lately?”
Reality Check: Some of us may still be single, but there’s no need to let the February blues get us down – there are plenty of chocolates and cinnamon hearts to go around at the discount rack on Feb. 15.
You couples are really missing out on the perks of being single. Girls, we don’t have to sit through 800 Star Wars movies and only have to shave our legs come summer-dress season.
Guys, you don’t have to buy the perfect birthday present just to find out she wanted it in pink. You also don’t have to spend an entire evening discussing your feelings. And you both don’t have to feel obligated to celebrate – or forget – an anniversary every month.
Singlehood is also a great way to save money. You’re not wasting your earnings on flowers or expensive meals at the Blue Door, so really, it’s a win-win.
As singletons, we don’t have to “meet the parents,” which often can seem worse than death. You feel vulnerable when the parental units ask questions about your personal life.
You’re a vegetarian and they serve you meat at the dinner table, and you have no interest whatsoever in the Conservative Party of Canada. Even worse, when our own parents are adamant on going down memory lane, revealing photos of old mushroom cuts and excessive baby fat.
Singletons can still flirt with whoever they want. That’s right my little couples, you can’t lay on the charm like you used to when you didn’t have someone examining your every move.
I agree wholeheartedly, this monogamist culture we live in is for the birds.
I don’t know how you couples do it. When there’s only one Smartie left in the box, who gets to eat it? Why would you want to watch NBA basketball when you could be watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC? And if you’re sleeping at night, where do you put your teddy bears?
I came to university convinced my academic career would end in matrimony.
So here I am, two and a half months left until graduation and I’m still singing Celine Dion’s “All by Myself“ into my hairbrush at night. I’ve also discovered that high calorie cupcakes and a bag of Sweet Chili Heat Doritos fulfill the spot of a significant other just fine – they don’t have bad breath in the morning, either.
For some odd reason, most of us want to be in a relationship. Girls, you want your very own George Clooney and guys, you want to be that Clooney.
Don’t worry, our time will come – maybe in another era.
Until then, Happy Valentine’s Day from the heart of one perfectly-content-singleton-who-doesn’t-needa-relationship-to-make-be-happy to another.
