Out of the way, swine flu


Hey guys, have you ever heard of the H1N1 virus? Just kidding! I know you’ve got your shot. I got mine twice, just to be EXTRA sure. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m super bored of being scared of the swine flu. We need something new, something fresh to worry about.  I’ve got a great idea for a hip new pandemic:


It’s punchy. It’s classic. It has zazz. Think of the golden headlines you can get from it, like “Babies with Rabies!”

I would totally read that story! I’m hooked and terrified for my child’s life in only three words!

Rabies is an awesome thing to be scared of because it makes you scared of things that are cute!

You know who spreads rabies? Dogs. Dogs are like the cutest thing ever. There can be this three part documentary series called “Marley and Murder” in which the public is informed about how their beloved canine is harboring this infectious disease.

You know what else can carry rabies? Bats. Those things are scary because they can effing fly. We’ve been unafraid of bats since the Batman franchise had to go and make them look all noble or something. So we get DC to make a Batman PSA where Batman doesn’t wash his hands enough and gets infected and call it “The Dark and Foamy Knight.”

Anyone else want to jump on this bandwagon? Then you can say that you were one of the first people to be afraid of rabies, think of all of the cred you’ll have! Guaranteed future cred! Let’s unite in fear!

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